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Unfortunately, having tough conversations with the people around you is exactly how it sounds. It’s tough- it comes from and strains relationships. Knowing how to talk to someone you love, or hate, or have to work beside, is so important to functioning in our everyday life. Fortunately, this trait can be learned. Here are three broad steps that contribute to a successful tough conversation:

Understanding Your Argument

Speaking up for yourself can be really hard, but it is always easier when you know what you actually want to talk about. Mentally walking your way back through a situation will help you approach a conversation with a better attitude and some mental clarity. By working through a conversation, argument, or stressful situation again you can clarify how a conversation needs to go.

  • Do you need to apologize?
  • Do you need to clarify something important to you?
  • Do you need the other person to apologize?

You also need to understand, when entering a tough conversation, how the person you are talking with feels, too. Your opinion on a situation is allowed to change over time, and do not be afraid to speak up when you have a change of heart. Being open to their perspective and having the ability to broaden your own will make each interaction easier. 

Advocating for Yourself

Advocating for yourself is important no matter how you are approaching a tough conversation- apologizing, asking for forgiveness or clearing the air. Getting to the point of having a tough conversation shows that there was something to be brought up. When facing the person you need to be open with, it is important to remember that your feelings and perspective are just as important as theirs are. The only real difference between your feelings and their feelings is that you are the one to put the effort forth to explain your perspective. Bring your worked-through thoughts and opinions to the table and see what can be said in return. 

Move Forward

In order to move forward, we need to accept whatever the result of the conversation was, and begin to problem solve from there. Ask yourself how can you avoid this situation again, or how can we work together in a way that no one feels uncomfortable. You should continue to talk at this point, and can move to lighter conversations once both of you feel good about what was said, and how you are leaving this situation. 

Adding to the foundation of a strong relationship takes effort, but taking the time to understand how you and the person you are talking with both really feel is incredibly important in caring for a relationship. All relationships have regular strains and ends to them, but these skills can instead help cultivate a relationship stronger than ever. 

Written by GUADS intern Kate, with contributions from judyringer.com