Group of friends having fun and enjoying drinking coffee together in a restaurant. Friendship concept.

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Fitting in is something that is almost always on our minds- either how lucky we are to fit in, or how unlucky we must be if we don’t. It’s a part of who we are as humans- to be a part of something bigger than ourselves, and be just a little jealous if we aren’t. 

Why do we “need” to fit in?

Humankind is needy- our nature pushes us to want more from life. However, we don’t just want it: we need it. According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, pictured below, the feeling of fitting in, described as love and belonging, isn’t even at the top of the pyramid. It’s a building block that is necessary to reach your full potential. Without a feeling of love and belonging it is impossible to thrive.

What does fitting in mean?

It’s a definition that you made up, whether or not you know it. Fitting in could mean anything- as surface level as wearing the right thing. It’s whatever you saw when looking for that stereotypical coming-of-age-movie type of friend group. But besides the stereotypes, fitting in can also be defined by standing out. When I say standing out, what I really mean is to be yourself.

Standing out allows you to find the people you really fit in with. The tricky part of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is that you can’t skip steps- or build bad ones just to move on to the next tier. Each needs to be well supported and authentic. 

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is a basic outline for the highest achievable level of health. You can’t be the healthiest version of yourself without being yourself. 

How do I fit in?

We have all been told to be ourselves- it seems so simple on the surface and can be so challenging. But being yourself doesn’t require knowing exactly who you are. You can start to be yourself now- join a club you’ve always wanted to be a part of, or take a class online to learn the craft you’ve always been a little interested in. If you need some extra motivation, remember that being yourself is the only way to reach your greatest potential.

The journey to fitting in is self-defined, and self-motivated, so it does take some effort. But it is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Fitting in and standing out can be one and the same. Take the time to find your people. 

Written by GUADS intern Kate with contributions from educationlibrary.org